Laundry Golem
Large construct, neutral tired
Armor Class 15 (woven towel armor)
Hit Points 95 (10d10 + 40)
Speed 30 ft.
| STR | DEX | CON | INT | WIS | CHA |
| +4 | -1 | +4 | -3 | +0 | -2 |
| 19 | 9 | 18 | 5 | 10 | 6 |
Saving Throws Con +7
Damage Resistances bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing from nonmagical attacks
Damage Immunities poison, psychic, lightning
Condition Immunities charmed, exhaustion, frightened, paralyzed, petrified, poisoned
Senses darkvision 60 ft., passive Perception 10
Languages understands Common but can only grunt
Challenge 5 (1,800 XP)
Proficiency Bonus +3
Traits
Constructed Resilience.
The Laundry Golem doesn’t require air, food, drink, or sleep. It also can’t smell its own stench.
Static Feedback.
When a creature hits the golem with a melee attack, it takes 1d6 lightning damage (once per turn per attacker).
Actions
Multiattack.
The Laundry Golem makes two Slam attacks.
Slam. Melee Weapon Attack: +7 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target.
Hit: 13 (2d8 + 4) bludgeoning damage. On a hit, the target must succeed on a DC 14 Strength saving throw or be knocked prone under a pile of damp towels.
Sticky Sock Spray (Recharge 5–6).
The golem exhales a 15-foot cone of gooey, foul-smelling laundry gunk. Each creature in the area must make a DC 14 Dexterity saving throw. On a failed save, the creature is Restrained by sticky garments. A creature can use an action to make a DC 13 Strength check, freeing itself or another restrained creature.
Lore
Forged in the depths of the RAMG Mudroom of Doom, the Laundry Golem was originally created to help with the endless piles of post-adventure laundry. Somewhere between the enchanted socks, cursed armor, and unwashed robes of necromancers past, something went horribly wrong.
Now it is the final boss in the Gauntlet of Gratitude, overwhelmed and lashing out at anything that threatens its perfectly folded piles. It doesn’t want to hurt anyone—but it will if you mess with the delicate cycle.
The Laundry Golem can be pacified instead of destroyed by:
- Calm Emotions spell
- A successful DC 18 Persuasion check that includes a heartfelt offer to help fold laundry.
- Folding all the piles in its lair properly (10 minutes of uninterrupted folding by at least 3 characters).
Quote:
“Laundry again? I just did a load!”
Lair Actions (Optional — if fighting in its laundry room)
On initiative count 20 (losing ties), the Laundry Golem can take one of the following lair actions:
- Sudden Suds. Slippery soap and foam explode from a washer. All ground becomes difficult terrain until the next round.
- Socknado. A swirling vortex of mismatched socks targets one creature. DC 14 Dex save or the target is blinded until the end of their next turn.
- Angry Dryer Alarm. A magical dryer door slams shut with a BANG! Every creature in the lair must succeed on a DC 12 Wisdom saving throw or be frightened until the start of their next turn.
2 Responses
Not sure how family friendly a “Sticky Sock Spray” is…
As a parent, I can confirm that sticky substances do in fact end up in kids’ laundry baskets. I specifically recall a leaking “stretchable” toy and homemade slime being the sources of two memorable incidents. Then there is the gum. Oh, the gum in dryer (face palm).